OK, so Americans are to front-wheel-drive what Australians are to temperance, but there’s no denying the Cobalt SS was actually a proper sleeper – optional wing notwithstanding.

There’s proper gearhead thinking going on here – it was only available as a coupe, and only with a manual gearbox. There was an integrated intercooler, forged crankshaft, 16v head, sodium-filled exhaust valves and a dedicated oil cooler, while the suspension got its own old-school tune: stiffer springs, thicker anti-roll bars and lightweight control arms. The options list, by the way, included Recaro seats and a limited-slip diff. And that’s a shopping list we’re happy to run through.

Best of all, the 2.0-litre’s 200bhp and 200lb ft only had to motivate a hair over 1,300kg, so the Cobalt SS was capable of nought to 60 runs in the low sixes and top speeds nudging 140mph. Theoretically, of course.

And when you think that the car that replaced the Cobalt was the Cruze… honestly, we’d be happy enough to just stop the calendar right there in 2006 and never take another step onwards. Yes, even if that meant living in the Black Eyed Peas era forever. We’re that serious.

Americans, please tell us why this car is so unloved