The blood-sucking elf known as Astarion has become one of Baldur’s Gate 3’s most beloved companion characters, with voice actor Neil Newbon taking home the award for Best Performance at 2023’s The Game Awards. But despite his popularity among players, Astarion can prove to be one of the most difficult companions to romance, especially for good-aligned player characters.

Astarion does become more agreeable as time goes on, but earning his approval early on in the game can prove frustrating, as he often disapproves of kind actions while approving of outright abhorrent behavior. This makes Astarion an ideal partner for anyone playing as The Dark Urge, though things can get tricky for players who want to romance him without watching the world burn. But regardless of what sort of moral compass your character is following, we’ve got you covered–keep reading for a step-by-step guide to romancing Faerûn’s sassiest vampire spawn.

How To Romance Astarion in Baldur’s Gate 3

Recruitment

Naturally, players will need to meet and recruit Astarion before they can woo him. Unlike Shadowheart and Lae’zel, you won’t find Astarion on the Nautiloid, so don’t bother trying to hunt him down until after the Illithid vessel has already crash-landed on the beach near The Grove.

Speaking of the beach, that’s exactly where you’ll find him. Astarion can be found on the edge of the map near an unoccupied stasis pod from the wreckage of the Nautiloid (coordinates: X: 170, Y: 287). He’ll ask for your help talking on an Intellect Devourer he’s managed to corner, and once the player passes a skill check, he’ll offer to join you. Taking him up on this offer will see him officially join your party.

Approval and disapproval

As previously mentioned, triggering Astarion’s approval (and disapproval) can prove quite vexing, especially early in the game. In general, Astarion approves of sarcasm and intimidation, and disapproves of good deeds done without pay. He detests displays of weakness and often lacks empathy for the enslaved individuals players will meet throughout the story–despite spending nearly 200 years as a slave himself.

Still, that doesn’t mean players need to behave like sociopaths to win his heart, especially given the fact that his tastes will change over time. For example, he’ll disapprove of players saving a (relatively) innocent child from a snake in Act 1, but by Act 3, he’ll approve of the player helping a different child whose mother has seemingly met a grim fate.

Act 1: Love at first bite

During one of your first long rests of the game, you’ll awaken to a certain pointy-toothed someone creeping up to your bedroll in the hopes of finding some dinner. Not expecting to be caught in the act, Astarion will apologize, explain that he’s a vampire, and ask if he can have a midnight snack. Saying yes will earn his approval, and is one of the best ways to get a head start on the romance in the first act of the game. Players should also tell Astarion they trust him when prompted for additional approval points, and even more points can be earned by telling Astarion he may feed on the blood of enemies in battle.

The Grove

Earning Astarion’s approval in Act 1 is difficult, but avoiding his disapproval is easily the harder of the two tasks. Astarion disapproves of saving The Grove (and the tiefling refugees within it), but approves of siding with Minthara and the goblins–an act that will result in the death of many innocents, and also lead to Halsin, Karlach, Wyll, and potentially Gale all permanently leaving the player’s party.

If you don’t want to spend your time in The Grove kicking squirrels and murdering innocents to earn Astarion’s approval, you still have some options. The first option is to simply leave Astarion at camp–generally speaking, characters who are left at camp will not have their approval scores affected by actions the player performs when that character is not in the party. So when you go to tell Zevlor you’ll help him and his fellow tieflings, send Astarion back to camp first to avoid earning his disapproval, then add him back to the party once you’ve spoken to Zevlor.

The other option is to have Astarion do your not-so-dirty work for you. Instead of sending him back to camp to avoid disapproval when it’s time to speak to Arabella’s parents and agree to lend their sticky-fingered daughter a hand, you can simply switch from controlling your player-character to controlling Astarion, and have him approach Arabella’s parents with an offer to help. It seems Astarion doesn’t mind doing good deeds if you make him think it was his idea. Save often and don’t be afraid to reload the game for a do-over if you unexpectedly do something that triggers his disapproval, but keep in mind that there will be plenty of opportunities to make up for missed approval later on–just focus on avoiding disapproval in the first act of the game.

The Necromancy Of Thay

Now that we’ve covered how to mitigate the damage that good deeds can do to Astarion’s opinion of you, let’s look at an early-game opportunity to earn some approval without having to do anything particularly horrific: The Necromancy Of Thay.

The Necromancy Of Thay is an ancient magical tome players can pick up in Act 1. Head to the Blighted Village and enter the abandoned building directly next to the fast-travel point. Your character will make a comment about the building having formerly served as an apothecary, so make sure to pick up all the useful alchemical ingredients you’ll find within. Once you’re done scouring the place for consumables, check out the trapdoor behind the counter (coordinates: X: 33, Y: 380), which leads to a basement. Use the lever hidden behind some boxes on the north side of the room (X: -704, Y: -354) to open a passage behind a secret bookcase.

Near the end of the passage, you’ll encounter a magic mirror. Select the option to intimidate the mirror into letting you pass for some approval from Astarion (who is not a fan of mirrors), and make your way deeper into the underground lair. Eventually, you’ll stumble across a book locked behind a cage. Disable the nearby traps, unlock the cage, and pick up the book. Astarion will immediately express interest in the book, so ignore the option to destroy it. Instead, head back up into the overworld and make your way towards the well across from the apothecary (X: 23 Y: 398). Climb down the well and you’ll find yourself in a dark cave that’s covered in spider webs.

Once you’ve taken out all of the cave’s eight-legged inhabitants, start looting, and keep an eye out for a purple stone you’ll find on the floor after the fight. Once you’ve got your hands on it, combine the stone with The Necromancy Of Thay. Pass the following skill checks, and eventually, Astarion will pipe up again and offer to hold onto the book. Hand it over for a significant boost to your approval score, and don’t worry–despite the fact that the game repeatedly warns you the book is very, very cursed, there aren’t any negative in-game consequences for giving it to Astarion, and he can actually gain a permanent buff from passing skill checks to fully decipher the text later on in the questline.

Gandrel

Near the entrance to the hag’s teahouse in the Sunlit Wetlands, players can meet Gandrel, monster-hunter from a nomadic Gur tribe. Unfortunately for Astarion, the monster Gandrel happens to be hunting is Astarion himself. If he’s already revealed his status as a vampire to the player (and the player hasn’t outed him to Gandrel, which will earn disapproval), Astarion will eventually ask, « May I? » Giving Astarion the go-ahead to take out Gandrel will earn you another 10 points of approval, the same amount you’ll get for handing over The Necromancy of Thay.

The tiefling party

Depending on how you play your cards, this romance scene can occur earlier than the tiefling party (we managed to trigger it long before we’d even visited the swamp to investigate Kagha) but either way, once your approval is high enough, speaking to Astarion will result in an offer to spend an evening together. Say yes to earn some approval, and select the option to let him bite you to earn extra approval.

Act 2: Scars and shadows

If players sleep with Astarion, they’ll be given the option to ask about the scars on his back the morning after. Astarion will tell the player that the scars are a poem that was carved into his back by his former master, the vampire lord Cazador Szarr. Depending on the player’s race, class, and ability to pass skill checks, they may even be able to decipher the language the poem is written in, and later, players will have an opportunity to show Astarion what his scars look like, as he has no reflection. Still, the mystery of his scars remain, but in Act 2, a friendly Infernal face appears in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, offering to help decipher the scars. Unfortunately, they aren’t willing to work for free.

Kill Yurgir

Travel to the northwest corner of the map, where you’ll discover the Grand Mausoleum fast-travel waypoint (X: -171 Y: 79) and trigger a cutscene in which the devil Raphael appears, warning the player about the dangerous beast–an orthon–lurking in the depths of the Thorm Mausoleum. If Astarion is with the player, he’ll ask Raphael to translate the scars on his back. Raphael will agree to do so only if the player kills Yurgir, the aforementioned orthon.

Upon reaching Yurgir’s lair, players can choose to fight him, spare him, or convince him to kill himself. The fight itself can be a struggle, especially on higher difficulties, but sparing him will result in Raphael refusing to translate Astarion’s scars, and Astarion, in turn, will end his romance with the player. The best option is to convince Yurgir to take himself out, as it will allow you to progress your romance with Astarion and give you the option of fighting alongside Yurgir to take down a much stronger foe later on. Once you’ve dealt with Yurgir, take a long rest and Raphael will appear to read Astarion’s scars.

Moonrise Towers

Upon reaching moonrise towers, players will encounter a drow alchemist named Araj Oblodra. She’ll offer each character in the party a special potion custom-tailored to their race, but will also offer to make the player a special potion that will permanently raise one of their stats… in exchange for directing Astarion to bite her. As a vampire spawn, Astarion cannot transform other characters into vampires, and Araj indicates that her request essentially comes from a desire to cross « get bitten by a vampire » off her bucket list rather than a desire for sanguine power. Telling Araj that Astarion is his own person will net you 5 points of approval, and telling Astarion not to do anything he doesn’t want to do will net you another 5 approval points. Ultimately, he’ll turn Araj down.

Act 3: Fate at the Gate

To continue to romance Astarion, players must complete his companion quest, The Pale Elf. Upon making it to Act 3, Astarion will begin mentioning Cazador with increasing frequency and pointing out familiar landmarks. Eventually, Astarion must face his former master and make a difficult choice.

Fraygo’s Flophouse

Once players reach Wyrm’s Crossing, they’ll want to check out Fraygo’s Flophouse, which is located directly across the street from Sharess’ Caress near the South Span Of Wyrm’s Crossing fast-travel waypoint (X: 15 Y: 74). On the second floor of the flophouse, two of Astarion’s vampire spawn « siblings » are lurking. Interact with them to trigger a cutscene that reveals the location of Cazador’s upcoming ascension ritual and progresses the quest.

Ascended Astarion & Cazador

Astarion’s personal storyline culminates in a major decision regarding Cazador’s ascension ritual. Players can choose to hand Astarion over for the ritual, but this is not advised, as it will result in his (permanent) death. Players can also choose to fight Cazador and stop the ritual, or fight Cazador and allow Astarion to take his ex-master’s place and ascend, granting him the power of a fully fledged vampire lord.

Players who allow Astarion to ascend will benefit from the various new powers he can wield in combat, but ultimately, letting Astarion complete the ritual is generally a bad move (especially if you’re romancing him), as it will irrevocably change his personality, and it also requires the sacrifice of 7,000 innocent souls. Ascended Astarion is extremely hungry for power, and will offer his in-game lover a taste of that power by turning them into a vampire spawn. This might sound like a great deal, but by this point in the campaign, Astarion has made it very clear that vampire spawn have no choice but to follow the orders of the vampire that sired them, meaning letting Astarion turn you will put your character under his control, unable to deny his demands. Naturally, it makes sense to tell Astarion no when he brings up the topic, but players who allow Astarion to ascend yet refuse the offer to become his spawn will quickly find themselves single, as Astarion will promptly dump them for saying no. He’ll do so in a threatening manner, telling the player he has the power to take whatever he wants, and that he should have turned them into a vampire spawn anyway just to teach them that lesson. Going through with the ascension ritual seems to give Astarion Cazador’s powers and some of his more unsavory personality traits.

If you’re aiming for a « good » ending for Astarion, you’ll want to stop the ascension ritual and convince him not to take Cazador’s place. Once he’s had some time to process things, he’ll thank the player, then take them to visit his gravesite, where they can take part in an optional romance scene. At this point, Astarion will consider your relationship official, and his verbal greetings will change to reflect this.

Romances with Non-Origin Characters and NPCs

• Drow twin scene: Players have the option of engaging in a one-off encounter with Astarion and a pair of drow twins in the Sharess’ Caress brothel during Act 3. Astarion will only agree to take part if Cazador is dead, and the scene does not affect Astarion’s approval towards the player-character unless they either force him to engage when he says he isn’t interested, or turn down the encounter after Astarion states he is interested. Still, it seems that this isn’t the ideal way for Astarion to explore his newfound sexual freedom. There are several details that point to him ultimately being uncomfortable with the setup, including The Narrator ending the scene with the line, « But when you meet his eye for a moment, there’s a look about him that reveals he’s a million realms away. »
• Emperor romance: Amusingly, players who manage to romance The Emperor will always be caught by their companions when they go to sleep. Despite how disgusted everyone looks, getting caught with The Emperor will not have any effect on approval from any companions, including Astarion.
• Halsin romance: When Halsin propositions you for a threesome, you have the option to talk to your partner about it. If that partner is Astarion, he’ll agree–perhaps a little too eagerly, and not before asking if you’re seeking out Halsin’s company simply because you’ve grown bored of Astarion. You can romance both Halsin and Astarion throughout the game, and although some players have expressed that Astarion’s often contradictory behavior with regard to polyamory and sex made them feel guilty for going forward with the encounter, sleeping with Halsin will not affect your approval score with Astarion.
• Mizora romance: Similar to the scene with The Emperor, your romantic partner will always catch you if you sleep with Mizora. Thankfully, it seems Astarion isn’t upset in the slightest–instead, he wants to know all the juicy details. Wyll, however, will (understandably) disapprove of you getting down and dirty with his Infernal patron.